"Let me tell you something about Mao Zedong. We were best friends in the Comintern. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 1959, I started hanging out with American presidents, who were totally gorgeous except when they refused to leave West Berlin, and Mao was like, weirdly jealous of them. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Ike, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Washington?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me? Also Ike wants to know if you’ll free those prisoners now.” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-Party member corn festival, I was like, “Comrade, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a Stalinist.” I mean I couldn’t have a Stalinist at my corn festival. There were gonna be peasants there uncollectivized. I mean, right? He was a Stalinist! So then his ambassador called my ambassador and started yelling about Marxist revisionism, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of the alliance because no one except Enver Hoxha would talk to him, and then when he came back in the fall for the 22nd Party Congress, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird."

Nikita Khrushchev’s memoirs.

A fabulous submission from gedenkenbrauchtwissen!

(Source: itsrainingmensheviks)

327 notes

quietgames:

The Best of Georg, [1/?]

(via thirdmagic)

taom:

akeenerheart:

I can’t stop laughing at this.

I will never not reblog this.

(via beckyweck)

teamfivey:

"The average writer has three plot holes a story" factoid actually just statistical error. Steven Moffat, who lives in a cave and has over 10,000 plot holes an episode, is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

(via airspaniel)

couple-of-dumbasses:

leviisacutelittleshit:

colourfulpantsandarainbowhat:

beggars-opera:

colourfulpantsandarainbowhat:

WHY DO PEOPLE CALL IT FUCK, MARRY, KILL WHEN THEY COULD CALL IT BED, WED, BEHEAD

easy there henry

whos henry what thef uck?

*faint laughter from Britian*

*history teachers crying*

(via letterblade)

408,829 notes

wastelord:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

THIS IS THE BEST RESPONSE TO ONE OF THESE ICEBERG THINGIES

I laughed. I shouldn’t have. But I did.

wastelord:

my-stereo-heart-beats-for-you:

THIS IS THE BEST RESPONSE TO ONE OF THESE ICEBERG THINGIES

I laughed. I shouldn’t have. But I did.

(Source: fuckyeahviralpics, via dawnrune)

336,544 notes

mercutio: i can see what's happening
benvolio: what?
mercutio: and they don't have a clue!
benvolio: stop
mercutio: they'll fall in love and here's the bottom line -- our trio's down to two
benvolio: people are dying
102,971 notes